Cause There Were Christmases When You Were Mine

It's been over a month since my last post, I'm sorry. Things happen and my laptop is like really really stupid. Idk what to really say on here anymore. So much has changed since last year, since last christmas. Everything was different, and as I was talking to my friend last night I realized something. Life isn't like a rollercoaster, because thats only ups and downs. Its more like an ocean, constantly moving. Being pulled towards the shore only to be pushed away hours later. You can never truly tell how deep the water your swimming in is, sometimes its shallow, others its miles deep. And eventually you just have to let go, and drown.
I've been feeling so lost lately, just kind of fluttering around, hopelessly. I have no clue as to where I'm supposed to go, what I'm supposed to do, there really isn't anywhere that I belong. But what does that mean? Does it mean that I'm just an outsider? Or is there some sort of meaning that I am going to find out later on in this lifetime?

I watched Vanilla Sky for the first time yesterday. It was such a weird movie, but I loved it. Wouldn't that be incredible to just dream your life the way you wanted it to be? And then after it started to become a nightmare, you could just wake up. But imagine the thougths racing through your head after you woke up, and then realizing that its 100s of years later and everyone and everything you once loved is gone. Dead, buried, and you werent even around to witness it. I don't think I'd ever have the will power to do that, I'm not a big fan of change. :P

I don't know when I'll post again, this is sorta like a refresh button for me. Somewhere that I can document my thoughts and maybe someone in the future will see them.

XOXO
Sarah