Music Starts Playin' Like the End of a Sad Movie It's the Kindo of the Ending You Don't Want to See

'Cause its a tragedy it'll only bring you down,
Now I don't know what to be without you around.

Holy crap that's a really good song. Its called Breathe by Taylor Swift. Not really the best of days today, that urge that I never told you about came back. And to be honest, I wanted to do it, hell I even did. Now I just have to hide it from my mom, :(.

Okay, feeling like crap is a normalcy of mine, and sometimes its just like I wanna take a drug and overdose. Just so I can possibly kill myself. And no I'm not suicidal. Although sometimes I wish I was. My mom came home a total bitch today. Nothing new there. She sounded so nice on the phone. IDK what happened.

Do you think if I just one day "disappeared" people would even notice I was gone? Would the writing that I had completed be published? Would there be a funeral? Would my little sister even know I existed? How much would I be missed? (That's an easy one to answer, not much by friends, a lot by family.) But you know if I were a ghost I would want to see my funeral, because I would want to know who would show up and who would cry. Would any of my friends come? Or would I just fade away into a world of oblivion?

I've been seriously questioning the sincerity of some of my friends. To be honest I think all of them are pretenders and that they all just keep me around because I can keep my mouth shut, (most of the time at least).

And just for the record I hate it when someone tells me to go inside just because they're mad at me. Just thought you should know.

XOXO
Addo

Second chances, They Don't Ever Matter, People Never Change

Once a whore you're nothing more sorry that will never change. I love that song. I mean, its yesterday's news but still, I love that song. And I don't mean yesterday's news like they aren't popular anymore, but that song isn't heard on the radio anymore, or its not that popular anymore. Okay, that's still coming out wrong.

Anyway, I'm feeling a lot better than I did yesterday. I mean I still think that people hear the name, Sarah Alexa McCrea, and go "huh?" But whatever. So yeah, it stopped raining finally, and in about an hour I'll be out of this hell hole. But hey, getting to blog during school, that's always fun.

Okay, so yeah, I'm taking an regent in like a week. And yes, I'm ready. I took a practice one and got a 97, took another one and got a 72. But I only got the seventy two because I was rocking back and fourth crying in pain and I went home early. Nice right?

The gloomy weather has definately matched my mood lately. I've been feeling really down and depressed, so the gray skies and the rain sorta feel right. You know? And for the record I don't care who reads this blog anymore because quite frankly I think its getting a little too personal. I gotta work on that. I mean, for all I know there could be a stalker who subscribed to me and now he/she knows all of my inner most secrets. Okay thats a lie. Not a soul on this Earth knows more than 25% of my innermost secrets. So yeah, nobody truly knows me.

Do you ever get that feeling that everything is going at too fast a pace? Like its all flying by, and you can't seem to find that place? And if you do, I was just wondering. It feels like yesterday that I was crying because I hated this school, and now I'm crying because I have to leave. Time really does change everything doesn't it?

I think I'm finally over him. He's just that childhood crush that I'm going to look back on and wonder how I spent so much time falling in love with my best friend. Typical right? But yeah he moved. And now I think I finally realized that he was only a friend, and that he probably doesn't remember me. :(

XOXO

Addo

About to Lose My Mind

Just fucking go away right now. Do not read this post. It is only going to be about me ranting about my pathetic problems so why care right? Nobody gives a damn whether I live or die.So why even bother right? I'm just one life wasted, nothing new there right? I just wish somebody fucking understood what I'm trying to say. I need help. Sorry I wasn't around to help two days ago, but seriously, I'm asking you to help me because I'm about to pass out and I have to lug shit up the stairs. I mean come on. I know I sound like a conceited lazy ass bitch, and you're probably right. But when I'm making 15 flights up and down the stairs and you're sitting on the computer, that doesn't sound quite right to me. Sorry.
Oh yeah and another thing, when I fucking walk away from you, do me a favor, don't fucking follow me from room to room because I don't want to be near you. I have taken in enough shit, from people pretending to be my friend, to people backstabbing me, to people telling me "I'm over dramatic. Just do me a favor go fuck yourselves. I've had enough of your bullshit. If you don't like me tell me straight out. Don't pretend to be my friend for months and then one day just completely turn on me. Honestly, I'd rather have that instead of being lied to for I don't know, nine months. I mean seriously. Grow up.
Another thing, I hate it when people think they can use me. Take it like this, I'm not your fucking dog, do it yourself, 'kay? And isn't it funny how right after I give somebody a gift, they turn on me. I mean seriously. There's a fine line between friendship and using someone. And sorry, I couldn't be your friend because I am myself. Sorry, but in all honesty, all of those people who have or continue to do that me, seriously have problems. I'm not going to change for somebody who can't accept me for me. Trust me that will NEVER happen. Kay?

XOXO
Addo