Cause There Were Christmases When You Were Mine

It's been over a month since my last post, I'm sorry. Things happen and my laptop is like really really stupid. Idk what to really say on here anymore. So much has changed since last year, since last christmas. Everything was different, and as I was talking to my friend last night I realized something. Life isn't like a rollercoaster, because thats only ups and downs. Its more like an ocean, constantly moving. Being pulled towards the shore only to be pushed away hours later. You can never truly tell how deep the water your swimming in is, sometimes its shallow, others its miles deep. And eventually you just have to let go, and drown.
I've been feeling so lost lately, just kind of fluttering around, hopelessly. I have no clue as to where I'm supposed to go, what I'm supposed to do, there really isn't anywhere that I belong. But what does that mean? Does it mean that I'm just an outsider? Or is there some sort of meaning that I am going to find out later on in this lifetime?

I watched Vanilla Sky for the first time yesterday. It was such a weird movie, but I loved it. Wouldn't that be incredible to just dream your life the way you wanted it to be? And then after it started to become a nightmare, you could just wake up. But imagine the thougths racing through your head after you woke up, and then realizing that its 100s of years later and everyone and everything you once loved is gone. Dead, buried, and you werent even around to witness it. I don't think I'd ever have the will power to do that, I'm not a big fan of change. :P

I don't know when I'll post again, this is sorta like a refresh button for me. Somewhere that I can document my thoughts and maybe someone in the future will see them.

XOXO
Sarah

Fazed

It just came to me that I haven't written a blog in over three months. And to be honest I don't know why I'm writing one now. I'm not the same person that I was six months ago, wanting to talk about my problems to anyone who would listen. I guess I've finally realized that nobody cares. And I'm not trying to be dramatic! you're best friends say they care but to be honest, they don't give a damn. And your parents are more concerned about how their raising you that they forget that you might actually need help every now and then.
So anyway because I haven't written in a while I guess I'll just write about what I haven't. Camp was a blast and the most miserable time of my life, Sophia is crawling and standing up on her own (she's so big now I just wanna shrink her), my stepdad is the same as always, and I'm in high school now. I'm now a real high school freshman. no more pretending over the summer that we know what its like. It's all new, all un-discovered. A billion doors just waiting to be opened and then slammed again. But hey, that's life. Friends come and go, I cannot even begin to say how many friends I've lost since the beginning of this transition. But we're all still breathing. I guess it is okay to have and then lose it then to never have any at all.
It seems like the world is full of pretenders. Fake people who claim to love something but they don't really mean it. Like wanna be rockers, they think they know everything about it just because they heard it on the radio. There is more to life than you see on the surface. You know what? I'm sick of judge mental people too. All they do is take one look at you and you are classified, labeled and un-wanted. Who are they to say who you are or what you're like? The only people to me that come close to it are people you've known your entire life and even then they don't know you in and out. There is always the monster in the closet. The one that only comes out when you are feeling completely and truly alone. There is always something, somebody. So even if you don't realize it, its there.
Another thing before the bell rings and I once again have to communicate with another batch of people. Guys are so stupid and naive. They think they know everything about you and everything about women, news flash they don't know anything. People don't like to be called "girl" or "boy" just because you don't know their name. Get up walk across the room and find out! And if you female friend is being grouchy, give her a break, she is probably just having a bad day or she is on her period, or she has something bigger on her mind. So before you judge on just one mistake, think about the bigger picture. Think about what else could possibly be bothering her.

XOXO
Addo

So You Tried To Be Honest, But You Honestly Blew It This Time, You Should Have Lied

So I'm leaving for sleep away camp on Sunday. And I'm scared. I'm not scared about being away, hell, maybe I even need it, I'm scared that he won't be here when I get back. He works in such a crummy neighborhood that he could be murdered and nobody would ever notice. And I know that he exaggerates but one day he is going to come across the wrong person and that person isn't going to care that he has a wife and kids at home, he's only going to care about taking his life. And I want to be able to wake up in the morning and know he is still around. I can't lose him, I really can't. I mean I love him, he's my family. And I really would be lost without him.

XOXO
Addo

As I Paced Back and Forth all This Time, 'Cause I Honestly Believed In You

I really don't understand him sometimes. First he's all I miss you, let's hang out and then he's all no I don't wanna hang out with you! WTF!?! I'm fucking sick and tired of people bull shitting me! Okay, so if you don't want me around then fine. But don't lie to me about having a girlfriend, then lie to me about wanting to hang out with me, then lie to be about who you really are! I can't believe I fell for your lies over and over. I'm done, I'm over it.

And I'm Screaming Into the Dark, Searching For an Answer, Where Do I Go From Here

So I haven't posted in a really, really, really long time. Almost a month, so yeah time to update. Some guy on youtube called me a faggot. I mean seriously, a) im a girl b) im like boy crazy. So i sent him a nice little message. Dun dun dunnnnnnnn. Sorry had to put that in there. Anywayyyyyy, I've been feeling lighter, happier ever since school ended. Maybe I'm just happy that I'm not around fake bitches all the time, but hey, thats only a possibility. So earlier today I was looking on youtube and came across the song notice me from pixel perfect. I love that movie. But in some ways its like really cliche. And I don't like things too much that are cliche, but hey! Its a movie right? And just once I want to see a movie where its like really sad and depressing because the guy and girl dont end up together. I guess thats why I always want to write stuff like that. Or maybe its just a life experience IDK! So I went on a whirling rampage the other day and deleted everything off my phone. Including my phone numbers. I mean come on how stupid is that. So now whenever someone calls me because every body is considered unknown, the song miss invisible by Marie Digby <3.>I took a trip to the year 300o, this song has gone multi-platinum! I remember sitting in my cousin's bedroom singing along with the song, and now Kevin is getting married, Joe is an asshole, and Nick is still my favorite. :p. Oh my boys are growing up, lmao. Okay but seriously, I'm so proud of Kevin you know? Going against all of the rumors that he is gay ( which he isn't!) and proposing! I wish them the best of luck. I've heard things like you can't be a paramore fan and a JB fan, well guess what I am! So shut up and put your money where your mouth is that's what you get for waking up in Vegas!!!!!

XOXO

Addo

P.S. Sorry for going on and on about JB, just haven't thought about them in a while.

The Memory I wish I'd Forget is Goodbye

In a response to Aimez's blog, I am crying. I can't even put into words how that upset me. I'm really not ready to graduate in oh idk five days. More the less leave 75 in 7.
See the picture? That's my new fave of the baby. Its just so sweet

XOXO
Addo

I'm Terrified

Nine years ago, you were able to walk up to your parents and cry about how scared you were about started kindergarten. Then the next day when they would drop you off, you'd hold on to their legs for dear life because you thought no one would like you. If you did the same thing today, people would probably stare and laugh.
We're supposed to be "older" and "mature". But I'm still that little girl who is mortified of the thought of going to a new school, more the less high school. My last day is June 26th, which is in 11 days. As I sit here and type this, I'm seriously wondering where did the past 169 days go! September 2nd, we all started our journey as 8th graders. Actually looking forward to June, the Banquet, 6 Flags, and Graduation. What we didn't expect was the fact that we have to leave our home of three years. In September, you're dragging your feet on that first day. You don't wanna be there. And now that its over, its like, "Fuck! How could I waste so much time!"
Instead of welcoming Paulo that first year, I wanted to run. Run as fast as I could away from the school. I felt so lost in the school, no friends, no clue on where to go. And now I'm like how could I have even wanted that. Its funny what time can do. The time flew by so quickly, I'm like wait, wasn't yesterday November? Weren't we just taking our quarterlies? But hey nothing lasts forever right? Everything has to come to an end, whether we like it or not.

I LOVE YOU 804! CLASS OF 2009!

XOXO
Addo