The Memory I wish I'd Forget is Goodbye

In a response to Aimez's blog, I am crying. I can't even put into words how that upset me. I'm really not ready to graduate in oh idk five days. More the less leave 75 in 7.
See the picture? That's my new fave of the baby. Its just so sweet

XOXO
Addo

I'm Terrified

Nine years ago, you were able to walk up to your parents and cry about how scared you were about started kindergarten. Then the next day when they would drop you off, you'd hold on to their legs for dear life because you thought no one would like you. If you did the same thing today, people would probably stare and laugh.
We're supposed to be "older" and "mature". But I'm still that little girl who is mortified of the thought of going to a new school, more the less high school. My last day is June 26th, which is in 11 days. As I sit here and type this, I'm seriously wondering where did the past 169 days go! September 2nd, we all started our journey as 8th graders. Actually looking forward to June, the Banquet, 6 Flags, and Graduation. What we didn't expect was the fact that we have to leave our home of three years. In September, you're dragging your feet on that first day. You don't wanna be there. And now that its over, its like, "Fuck! How could I waste so much time!"
Instead of welcoming Paulo that first year, I wanted to run. Run as fast as I could away from the school. I felt so lost in the school, no friends, no clue on where to go. And now I'm like how could I have even wanted that. Its funny what time can do. The time flew by so quickly, I'm like wait, wasn't yesterday November? Weren't we just taking our quarterlies? But hey nothing lasts forever right? Everything has to come to an end, whether we like it or not.

I LOVE YOU 804! CLASS OF 2009!

XOXO
Addo

Can you feel it now? These walls That they put up To hold us back Will fall down

So, today I saw my good friends from Florida. I missed them alot. Wish they didnt move. :(

I took a chance,
I took a shot
And you might think I'm bulletproof,
But I'm not

You took a swing,
I took it hard
And down here from the ground I see who you are

I'm sick and tired of your attitude
I'm feeling like I don't know you
You tell me that you love me then cut me down
And I need you like a heartbeat
But you know you got a mean streak
Makes me run for cover when you're around
And here's to you and your temper
Yes, I remember what you said last night
And I know that you see what you're doing to me
Tell me why

You could write a book on how to ruin someones perfect day
Well I get so confused and frustrated
Forget what I'm trying to say, oh

I'm sick and tired of your reasons
I got no one to believe in
You tell me that you want me,
Then push me around
And I need you like a heartbeat
But you know you got a mean streak
Makes me run for cover when you're around
And here's to you and your temper
Yes, I remember what you said last night
And I know that you see what you're doing to me
Tell me why

Why? do you have to make me feel small
So you can feel whole inside
Why? do you have to put down my dreams
So you're the only thing on my mind

I'm sick and tired of your attitude
I'm feeling like I don't know you
You tell me that you want me and cut me down

I'm sick and tired of your reasons
I got no one to believe in
You ask me for my love then you push me around
Here's to you and your temper
Yes, I remember what you said last night
And I know that you see what you're doing to me
Tell me why,
Why,
Tell me why
Why

I take a step back,
And let you go
I told you
I'm not bulletproof,
Now you know


Awesome song by Taylor Swift called Tell Me Why

XOXO
Addo

Music Starts Playin' Like the End of a Sad Movie It's the Kindo of the Ending You Don't Want to See

'Cause its a tragedy it'll only bring you down,
Now I don't know what to be without you around.

Holy crap that's a really good song. Its called Breathe by Taylor Swift. Not really the best of days today, that urge that I never told you about came back. And to be honest, I wanted to do it, hell I even did. Now I just have to hide it from my mom, :(.

Okay, feeling like crap is a normalcy of mine, and sometimes its just like I wanna take a drug and overdose. Just so I can possibly kill myself. And no I'm not suicidal. Although sometimes I wish I was. My mom came home a total bitch today. Nothing new there. She sounded so nice on the phone. IDK what happened.

Do you think if I just one day "disappeared" people would even notice I was gone? Would the writing that I had completed be published? Would there be a funeral? Would my little sister even know I existed? How much would I be missed? (That's an easy one to answer, not much by friends, a lot by family.) But you know if I were a ghost I would want to see my funeral, because I would want to know who would show up and who would cry. Would any of my friends come? Or would I just fade away into a world of oblivion?

I've been seriously questioning the sincerity of some of my friends. To be honest I think all of them are pretenders and that they all just keep me around because I can keep my mouth shut, (most of the time at least).

And just for the record I hate it when someone tells me to go inside just because they're mad at me. Just thought you should know.

XOXO
Addo

Second chances, They Don't Ever Matter, People Never Change

Once a whore you're nothing more sorry that will never change. I love that song. I mean, its yesterday's news but still, I love that song. And I don't mean yesterday's news like they aren't popular anymore, but that song isn't heard on the radio anymore, or its not that popular anymore. Okay, that's still coming out wrong.

Anyway, I'm feeling a lot better than I did yesterday. I mean I still think that people hear the name, Sarah Alexa McCrea, and go "huh?" But whatever. So yeah, it stopped raining finally, and in about an hour I'll be out of this hell hole. But hey, getting to blog during school, that's always fun.

Okay, so yeah, I'm taking an regent in like a week. And yes, I'm ready. I took a practice one and got a 97, took another one and got a 72. But I only got the seventy two because I was rocking back and fourth crying in pain and I went home early. Nice right?

The gloomy weather has definately matched my mood lately. I've been feeling really down and depressed, so the gray skies and the rain sorta feel right. You know? And for the record I don't care who reads this blog anymore because quite frankly I think its getting a little too personal. I gotta work on that. I mean, for all I know there could be a stalker who subscribed to me and now he/she knows all of my inner most secrets. Okay thats a lie. Not a soul on this Earth knows more than 25% of my innermost secrets. So yeah, nobody truly knows me.

Do you ever get that feeling that everything is going at too fast a pace? Like its all flying by, and you can't seem to find that place? And if you do, I was just wondering. It feels like yesterday that I was crying because I hated this school, and now I'm crying because I have to leave. Time really does change everything doesn't it?

I think I'm finally over him. He's just that childhood crush that I'm going to look back on and wonder how I spent so much time falling in love with my best friend. Typical right? But yeah he moved. And now I think I finally realized that he was only a friend, and that he probably doesn't remember me. :(

XOXO

Addo

About to Lose My Mind

Just fucking go away right now. Do not read this post. It is only going to be about me ranting about my pathetic problems so why care right? Nobody gives a damn whether I live or die.So why even bother right? I'm just one life wasted, nothing new there right? I just wish somebody fucking understood what I'm trying to say. I need help. Sorry I wasn't around to help two days ago, but seriously, I'm asking you to help me because I'm about to pass out and I have to lug shit up the stairs. I mean come on. I know I sound like a conceited lazy ass bitch, and you're probably right. But when I'm making 15 flights up and down the stairs and you're sitting on the computer, that doesn't sound quite right to me. Sorry.
Oh yeah and another thing, when I fucking walk away from you, do me a favor, don't fucking follow me from room to room because I don't want to be near you. I have taken in enough shit, from people pretending to be my friend, to people backstabbing me, to people telling me "I'm over dramatic. Just do me a favor go fuck yourselves. I've had enough of your bullshit. If you don't like me tell me straight out. Don't pretend to be my friend for months and then one day just completely turn on me. Honestly, I'd rather have that instead of being lied to for I don't know, nine months. I mean seriously. Grow up.
Another thing, I hate it when people think they can use me. Take it like this, I'm not your fucking dog, do it yourself, 'kay? And isn't it funny how right after I give somebody a gift, they turn on me. I mean seriously. There's a fine line between friendship and using someone. And sorry, I couldn't be your friend because I am myself. Sorry, but in all honesty, all of those people who have or continue to do that me, seriously have problems. I'm not going to change for somebody who can't accept me for me. Trust me that will NEVER happen. Kay?

XOXO
Addo

He'd Never Tell You, But He Can Play Guitar

Hello, hiya, hi, hey, hola, ciao, buon giorno, buona notte, how many different ways can you say hello! Seriously, its like I say "Hi" you say "Hey." It gets really, really, really annoying after awhile. I really don't want to sit in a classroom and learn about how volcanoes are formed, or how to pick a fucking mushroom! Thank you Mr. Perrone. I didn't know that you can die from a common cold. Thanks for being so stupid and wasting 120 minutes of my life every fucking week! You think I care! You think the whole class cares! News flash, they don't.

Sorry about that! Mr. Perrone is just so fucking stupid. :) So yeah, the Sims 3 came out today, and after I get out of this hell hole called school I'm off to the mall to buy it! And if they don't have it I'm going to be one pissed off cookie, k? How many times in my life is somebody going to say okay? From the second I'm born to the second I am dead, how many times have the word okay come out of somebody's mouth.

Rules:

1. Number cube

2. Spinner

3. Standard deck of cards; 52 cards. 4 suits, club, diamond, heart, spade; 13 cards of each suit 4 cards of each 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10; Picture card: Jack, Queen, King

4. Probability: P=number of events/total possible outcomes

5. Probability of certainity:1 Probability of impossibility: 0

That would be a standard amount of rules for math, pretty simple right? Right? I have no clue why I even did that, probably out of pure boredom. But whatever.

So I'm getting pretty sick and tired of people. I actually want to be dropped off a boat into the Pacific and have to swim to an island. And there I will meet a tribe of people and will kill them all. How nice! But I'll leave the newborn infant alive. And I'll care for it. And I'll be the perfect mommy. Not. Not in 100, 1000, 1000000, 10000000, 100000000, 1000000000, years. But maybe in 1000000001 years. LMAO!

Today is June 2nd, 2009. On June 3rd, 2009 we have Senior Awards. On June 4th, 2009 we have banquet. On June 24th, 2009 we have Graduation. On June 26th, 2009, we are offically High School Freshman. You see I got bored after the state test today, so I wrote a graduation speech. I'm not even talking at graduation. How stupid am I?

XOXO

Addo